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Freitag, 24. Juni 2022
Passenger
frau klugscheisser, 11:46h
Es ist wieder soweit, ich verreise mit Frau Herzbruch. Dieses Mal nehmen wir Baby Ona mit, der ja inzwischen überhaupt kein Baby, sondern bereits Puberti ist. Und weil ich selbst gerade Pubertät 2.0 mache, passt das ganz hervorragend. Ich stelle mir das ungefähr so vor: gegen sieben morgens, wenn Frau Herzbruch noch sehr tief schläft und das auch noch ein paar Stunden so ungestört wie möglich fortführen möchte, schnappe ich meine Sportsachen, hole Ona aus den Federn, denke mir ein paar Übungen aus und schicke ihn ungefähr dreimal durch den Zirkel. Ich selbst mache natürlich auch etwa zwei Drittel der Übungen mit, beim Rest muss ich anfeuern und korrigieren. Diese Idee entstand mit der Wahl des Urlaubsortes. Die Vorgaben waren Meer und Buffet. Das war relativ einfach zu erfüllen. Zum obigen Vorschlag meinte Frau Herzbruch damals nur trocken: "Ich sag's mal so, während ich hier bereits die zweite Tasse Kaffee trinke, schläft Ona noch tief und fest."
Jetzt ist aber alles anders. Seit nicht nur die Körperhöhe, sondern auch die Hormonkonzentration enorm steigt, macht Ona in Selbstoptimierung und ist durchaus offen für Frühsport. Mein Plan geht also auf. Einziges Hindernis wird das Erreichen des Flugzeuges sein. Am Wochenende beginnen die Ferien in NRW, es gibt kein Personal am Flughafen und im Flieger selbst wird's auch knapp. Wir sind aber zuversichtlich, weil auch hierfür ein Plan besteht und der geht so: Vorabendcheckin von Koffern und dann am nächsten Tag schätzungsweise sechs Stunden vor Abflug an der Sicherheitskontrolle anstehen. Das bedeutet im Klartext Aufstehen um fünf und anstehen ab sieben. Wir sind ja zu dritt, da mache ich mit Ona schon mal einen Airportzirkel, während Frau Herzbruch die Lücke in der Schlange freihält. Andersrum bleibe ich dort stehen, wenn sie sich einen Kaffee holen oder wegbringen möchte. Wer noch das Prozedere zum Erwerb begehrter Konzertkarten in Vorinternetzeiten kennt, für den kommt dabei fast sowas wie nostalgische Festivalstimmung auf. Und dann ist da noch die Vorfreude auf Meer und Buffet. Wir sind drei Delayed Gratification Verfechter, wir kriegen das hin. Ganz bestimmt. Ausser ich kriege einen Nervenzusammenbruch beim Mithörenmüssen dummer Konversationen von Umstehenden, Frau Herzbruch zerlegt verbal das Sicherheitspersonal oder Ona wächst in der Schlange aus seiner Kleidung. Dann fliegen wir nicht nach Fuerte, sondern fahren mit dem Zug an die Ostsee. Tickets haben wir. Die bringen uns zumindest weg vom Flughafen DUS.
Übrigens möchte ich folgendes von aus dem internationalen Kollegium unbekannter Hand geschriebene Kleinod an Beschreibung derzeitiger Reisezustände nicht vorenthalten:
Just some good advice for those who plan to travel this summer:
Flying this summer is ROUGH!!! I feel like as a Flight Attendant I should attempt to share some tips to get you through airline travel for the foreseeable future.
1. Things are not good..... if its less than 7 hours - DRIVE! I'm not kidding. There is nothing enjoyable about flying right now. On any airline. If you must fly, keep reading.
2. Download and use the app of the airline you are flying. You can do everything on it - get your boarding pass, track your bags, see your incoming plane, and change a flight. It sure beats waiting in the long line to talk to an agent! Trust me - Usually these apps will tell you a flight is cancelled before the crew even knows!
3. Fly MUCH earlier than you need to - a whole day early if its important!! This week I saw many people miss important things like weddings, funerals, cruises, international connections, and graduations. The tears were very real, for very real reasons, and there was nothing I could do! If you have to be somewhere, spend the extra money, go a day early. Have a glass of wine and stay in a hotel, enjoy your night not being stressed while everyone else misses their events.
4. ALWAYS fly the first flight in the morning so you have all day to be rebooked if the shit hits the fan. Yes, that means it might be a 3:00 alarm, but morning flights don't cancel nearly as often.
5. This is not unique to this year, but keep in mind summer is thunderstorm season. A single storm can shut down a whole airport. We can't fly through them. Storms usually build as the day gets later. Book early flights!
6. Schedule long layovers - Your 1 hour layover is NOT enough anymore. 30 minutes, not a chance. 3 hours minimum.
7. What you see on the news is an understatement. We are short staffed and overworked. Not just pilots and flight attendants, but also ground crews. Without ground crews there is no one to park the planes, drive jetways, get your bags on/off planes, or scan boarding passes. This causes many delays that snowball throughout the day. Sometimes HOURS.(Another reason morning flights are best!)
8. When flight crews get delayed we time out. We can NOT fly longer than 16 hours. Its illegal. So it doesn't matter if you have a wedding to get to, when we are done we are done. The way things are now, there are no back up crews, so when this happens your flight cancels. (Now you are starting to see why those morning flights are best!)
9. Avoid connecting in Newark, London, Dublin, Amsterdam, Frankfurt and Munich. It is literal hell. You have a 50/50 chance your flight will cancel or missing your connection. They have been cancelling flights at their starting points just to keep the planes out of Newark because there just aren't enough people to manage the planes, so the gates stay full. Also the restaurants are expensive, it is not a great place to be stuck.
10. Be nice. As stated above, we are overworked and tired. We will not help you if you are mean. No one cares that you are going to miss your cruise if you are an asshole. So even if we can help, we will save our help for someone nice. Tensions are high. Our patience is gone. If you make us mad - you will not be flying on our planes. We will leave you behind without a second thought, and laugh about you later.
11. Being drunk on an airplane is a federal offense, so don't overdo it. If you drink too much at the bar waiting for your delayed flight you risk not being allowed to fly at all. We are too tired to deal with your drunk ass when we have legitimate issues to deal with.
12. Get trip insurance if you have a lot of money invested. I hate the whole idea of this, but I also hate the idea of losing money. Example: I was working a flight yesterday that waited over an hour for a gate. A family of 8 missed their flight to Rome. The only flight of the day. They were going to a cruise which they would now miss. They were all crying, there was nothing I could do. (Also a reason to fly a day early!)
13. Flights are FULL. If you buy the cheap seats you will not be able to sit with your family. It says so when you purchase your ticket!! Flight Attendants aren't there to rearrange the whole plane just so you can sit with your family because you tried to save $100 on a third party website.
14. Speaking of third party websites and saving money..... Like I said flights are FULL. If a flight is oversold, and no one volunteers to give up their seats, who do you think is the first to be bumped? You guessed it, the family that saved a few $$ by using sites like Expedia, Kayak, Hotwire etc.
15. Pack smart. Don't be "That guy" Don't hold up boarding because you have your extenders open till they are busting and you can't figure out how to make it fit in the overhead. (Passengers are stressed too, they can be aggressive when boarding a delayed flight)
16. Take showers, brush your teeth, leave the perfume off, don't eat stinky food (caesar salad and tuna fish I'm talking to you!), and bring headphones. Trust me. These things sound basic, but add to stress on crowded planes. If you are stuck on the tarmac for 3 hours after a 4 hour flight, you will thank me for this.
17. Bring a sweater if you tend to be cold. So tired of half naked girls asking me to turn the heat up. NO. Wear clothes!! Side note: If you dress like this and ask for heat,someone may not accommodate you
18. Thats not water on the bathroom floor. For the love of God wear shoes to the bathroom!
19. Don't tell a Flight Attendant they look tired. We are and we know. You may cause us to ugly cry right there in galley.
20. Happy Travels!
* copied from another smart f/a!
Jetzt ist aber alles anders. Seit nicht nur die Körperhöhe, sondern auch die Hormonkonzentration enorm steigt, macht Ona in Selbstoptimierung und ist durchaus offen für Frühsport. Mein Plan geht also auf. Einziges Hindernis wird das Erreichen des Flugzeuges sein. Am Wochenende beginnen die Ferien in NRW, es gibt kein Personal am Flughafen und im Flieger selbst wird's auch knapp. Wir sind aber zuversichtlich, weil auch hierfür ein Plan besteht und der geht so: Vorabendcheckin von Koffern und dann am nächsten Tag schätzungsweise sechs Stunden vor Abflug an der Sicherheitskontrolle anstehen. Das bedeutet im Klartext Aufstehen um fünf und anstehen ab sieben. Wir sind ja zu dritt, da mache ich mit Ona schon mal einen Airportzirkel, während Frau Herzbruch die Lücke in der Schlange freihält. Andersrum bleibe ich dort stehen, wenn sie sich einen Kaffee holen oder wegbringen möchte. Wer noch das Prozedere zum Erwerb begehrter Konzertkarten in Vorinternetzeiten kennt, für den kommt dabei fast sowas wie nostalgische Festivalstimmung auf. Und dann ist da noch die Vorfreude auf Meer und Buffet. Wir sind drei Delayed Gratification Verfechter, wir kriegen das hin. Ganz bestimmt. Ausser ich kriege einen Nervenzusammenbruch beim Mithörenmüssen dummer Konversationen von Umstehenden, Frau Herzbruch zerlegt verbal das Sicherheitspersonal oder Ona wächst in der Schlange aus seiner Kleidung. Dann fliegen wir nicht nach Fuerte, sondern fahren mit dem Zug an die Ostsee. Tickets haben wir. Die bringen uns zumindest weg vom Flughafen DUS.
Übrigens möchte ich folgendes von aus dem internationalen Kollegium unbekannter Hand geschriebene Kleinod an Beschreibung derzeitiger Reisezustände nicht vorenthalten:
Just some good advice for those who plan to travel this summer:
Flying this summer is ROUGH!!! I feel like as a Flight Attendant I should attempt to share some tips to get you through airline travel for the foreseeable future.
1. Things are not good..... if its less than 7 hours - DRIVE! I'm not kidding. There is nothing enjoyable about flying right now. On any airline. If you must fly, keep reading.
2. Download and use the app of the airline you are flying. You can do everything on it - get your boarding pass, track your bags, see your incoming plane, and change a flight. It sure beats waiting in the long line to talk to an agent! Trust me - Usually these apps will tell you a flight is cancelled before the crew even knows!
3. Fly MUCH earlier than you need to - a whole day early if its important!! This week I saw many people miss important things like weddings, funerals, cruises, international connections, and graduations. The tears were very real, for very real reasons, and there was nothing I could do! If you have to be somewhere, spend the extra money, go a day early. Have a glass of wine and stay in a hotel, enjoy your night not being stressed while everyone else misses their events.
4. ALWAYS fly the first flight in the morning so you have all day to be rebooked if the shit hits the fan. Yes, that means it might be a 3:00 alarm, but morning flights don't cancel nearly as often.
5. This is not unique to this year, but keep in mind summer is thunderstorm season. A single storm can shut down a whole airport. We can't fly through them. Storms usually build as the day gets later. Book early flights!
6. Schedule long layovers - Your 1 hour layover is NOT enough anymore. 30 minutes, not a chance. 3 hours minimum.
7. What you see on the news is an understatement. We are short staffed and overworked. Not just pilots and flight attendants, but also ground crews. Without ground crews there is no one to park the planes, drive jetways, get your bags on/off planes, or scan boarding passes. This causes many delays that snowball throughout the day. Sometimes HOURS.(Another reason morning flights are best!)
8. When flight crews get delayed we time out. We can NOT fly longer than 16 hours. Its illegal. So it doesn't matter if you have a wedding to get to, when we are done we are done. The way things are now, there are no back up crews, so when this happens your flight cancels. (Now you are starting to see why those morning flights are best!)
9. Avoid connecting in Newark, London, Dublin, Amsterdam, Frankfurt and Munich. It is literal hell. You have a 50/50 chance your flight will cancel or missing your connection. They have been cancelling flights at their starting points just to keep the planes out of Newark because there just aren't enough people to manage the planes, so the gates stay full. Also the restaurants are expensive, it is not a great place to be stuck.
10. Be nice. As stated above, we are overworked and tired. We will not help you if you are mean. No one cares that you are going to miss your cruise if you are an asshole. So even if we can help, we will save our help for someone nice. Tensions are high. Our patience is gone. If you make us mad - you will not be flying on our planes. We will leave you behind without a second thought, and laugh about you later.
11. Being drunk on an airplane is a federal offense, so don't overdo it. If you drink too much at the bar waiting for your delayed flight you risk not being allowed to fly at all. We are too tired to deal with your drunk ass when we have legitimate issues to deal with.
12. Get trip insurance if you have a lot of money invested. I hate the whole idea of this, but I also hate the idea of losing money. Example: I was working a flight yesterday that waited over an hour for a gate. A family of 8 missed their flight to Rome. The only flight of the day. They were going to a cruise which they would now miss. They were all crying, there was nothing I could do. (Also a reason to fly a day early!)
13. Flights are FULL. If you buy the cheap seats you will not be able to sit with your family. It says so when you purchase your ticket!! Flight Attendants aren't there to rearrange the whole plane just so you can sit with your family because you tried to save $100 on a third party website.
14. Speaking of third party websites and saving money..... Like I said flights are FULL. If a flight is oversold, and no one volunteers to give up their seats, who do you think is the first to be bumped? You guessed it, the family that saved a few $$ by using sites like Expedia, Kayak, Hotwire etc.
15. Pack smart. Don't be "That guy" Don't hold up boarding because you have your extenders open till they are busting and you can't figure out how to make it fit in the overhead. (Passengers are stressed too, they can be aggressive when boarding a delayed flight)
16. Take showers, brush your teeth, leave the perfume off, don't eat stinky food (caesar salad and tuna fish I'm talking to you!), and bring headphones. Trust me. These things sound basic, but add to stress on crowded planes. If you are stuck on the tarmac for 3 hours after a 4 hour flight, you will thank me for this.
17. Bring a sweater if you tend to be cold. So tired of half naked girls asking me to turn the heat up. NO. Wear clothes!! Side note: If you dress like this and ask for heat,someone may not accommodate you
18. Thats not water on the bathroom floor. For the love of God wear shoes to the bathroom!
19. Don't tell a Flight Attendant they look tired. We are and we know. You may cause us to ugly cry right there in galley.
20. Happy Travels!
* copied from another smart f/a!
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